How to pretend like you’re working

Let’s say you’re reading 10 Awesome Internet Time Sinks and the boss walks in. What do you do? The obvious answer is hit the boss key. I don’t know if programs have these anymore but if your browser did you could instantly pull up that spreadsheet and your boss would be none the wiser. Actually I think because you can minimize windows now, that the boss key isn’t as much of a problem. Back in the day you used dos or some other program that didn’t have multiple windows to open so what you had open is what your boss would see. When they made boss keys, then what would pop up is something that looked very business-like, a word processor or the like. These days everyone can minimize windows. That is only one way to pretend like you’re working.

If you’re programming you might put in comments. Can never have too many comments. For those who don’t do any computer programming, comments are just plain text that the computer knows to ignore by a certain character combination on the screen something like the double-forward-slash // or the forward-slash-asterisk /* */ pairs. The need for documenting your program is great, and you should always provide comments when something isn’t clear. However, if you’re just pretending to work you can simply put in tons of comments for everything. Then you look like you’re programming when really you aren’t.

If you’re cleaning the house what you might do is stack stuff and wipe down the most used and frequently seen counters. You’re not doing any real work you’re just stacking, moving stuff around and making it look different. The key is just to make it look different. Put some things from one book case on the other and vice-versa.

If you’re in an office, going to the bathroom a lot might make it seem like you’re working, but you have to be careful to go to the bathroom when the boss is not around and to do it a lot. When the boss is there you’re there at your desk typing away (or whatever it is you do.)

If you’re a stock-boy, why not straighten up some shelves and leave the hard work to someone who really wants to spend the time working.

If you’re writing why not ‘brainstorm’. You would look like you’re preparing to write that best selling novel, but instead you’re just doodling on your notepad. Or surfing the web for “research”.

If you’re a game developer you can play games for research, or better yet, watch a youtube video on the games you want to make without actually working on them.

That’s really all I can think of right now. Of course I don’t really have any authority in this area, having never pretended to work before, I’m just pretending like I know what I’m talking about. Usually I’m just lazy, why pretend to work and just not work.

Until ‘Monday’

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