10 ways to lose your money

10 ways to lose your money without gambling, giving it away, or even really spending it.

Keep special note when I say ‘even really spending it’ — Really spending it means you go to a store to deliberately spend money. Although losing money generally requires some spending. So let’s talk about some of the ways you can lose your money.

1) The first obvious way is to actually lose it. Forgot where your wallet was, or dropped some bills in the space between the door and the floor of your car. However you won’t ever purposely lose money.

2) The next way is to break larger bills into smaller ones. Nothing eats at money faster than breaking a large bill. It’s like ice; you break it up into small pieces it melts quicker. So your money would melt quickly too.

3) When you go grocery shopping, buy items that is not on your list and that are not on sale. These are usually fattening items that are really tasty, but usually kind of expensive (at least for what they are, for instance you could spend 5 dollars on a 2lb brick of cheese, or you could buy that artisan cheese for double the price and half the size). Items not on your list mean you didn’t budget for them (assuming you budgeted at all), and so can end up costing you more money by the end of your shopping trip.

4) Don’t follow a budget. That’s an easy one; I mean just spending willy-nilly means that you ultimately will spend more than you should. If you’re using credits cards this could eventually lead to bankruptcy, which could be considered the ‘Monday’ way as if it’s too large your lawyer will get you to pay much less. Of course this is usually after the credit card company has soaked you dry for interest, in which case you don’t actually pay less, but going into bankruptcy does lead into a stopping point.

5) Don’t balance your check book. If you don’t know how much money you have in the bank, you can lose the money by overdrawing your account. Especially if you have a fee associated with overdrawing or a fee when your bank account contains less than a certain amount of money.

6) Along with the credit card suggestion above is interest. If you use a credit card with a high enough interest then your late payments will simply bleed you dry of money. So use a credit card with a high amount of interest and make those payments late. You’ll soon be losing a lot of money that way.

7) Subscriptions. That’s right, let’s start with magazine subscriptions. While it does entail some spending, subscriptions is the kind of spending that doesn’t really feel like you’re spending it and more like you’re losing it. Especially magazines you don’t even read. Like that issue of ‘Cat Fancy’ you don’t read but only got because your Ex-Wife was into cats. Especially subscriptions that were for someone else but for one reason or another you’re still getting.

8) 900 numbers. Yep, joke lines, or something a little naughtier (that we won’t go into). They’re a big source of losing money. Especially if you have a teenage daughter and who likes to call the number of her favorite pop-star and I don’t mean personal home numbers. Actually I don’t know that people actually call those anymore, but you never know. However you’ll be bleeding money.

9) Cable TV and Internet. I actually group fiber optic service, and satellite, under the heading of cable TV as well. TV specifically. Let’s face it, some of us don’t watch TV all that much, but we buy cable just so we can catch that show that’s not on broadcast, or some movies or something. This usually costs a lot of money. Also internet, although internet is of more use nowadays, it can be losing money if you’re not using the speed you’re paying for. Why not go all out for all the pay channels and HD channels, and then go to a video kiosk or the library for your movies, or go all out at the speediest internet you can buy.

10) Finally have a family. I’m not against families, but the one thing they do well is take up money. In fact have a family and you’re guaranteed to lose money on at least one if not all the ways I’ve enumerated above. Especially if you have daughters. Mobile phones are killer in a family full of women.

So if you want to lose money without gambling or giving it away, or even really spending it (but actually spending a little bit), then use the tips I’ve shown you and you’re well on your way.

Until ‘Monday’

The top 5 reasons to blow your wad.

And by wad I mean money. You know. A wad of cash. Let’s say you just got your tax refund, or Grandma just sent you a check. Sure you could save it, or spend it on something you need like bills, or groceries or a car payment, but what fun is that? You want to spend your money as fast as you got it. It’s literally burning a hole through your pocket as we speak.

So what are the 5 reasons you want to drop all that cash?

1) You’re trying to impress a girl. Nothing says I love you more than flowers, or candy, or diamonds. Especially diamonds. You’re telling her that, yes this is a big stash of cash, and yes I want to buy your love.

2) Pizzas don’t eat themselves. That’s right, in the U.S. there are hundreds of pizzas being made, and you could be eating as many as you can stuff into that fat face of yours. They’re there to be eaten. Yummy pizza crust (I don’t understand why some people won’t finish their pizza crust, arguably the best part of the pizza), melty mozzarella, enough garlic to kill an elephant if you were to breathe on it. It’s one of the most versatile foods on the planet. If you spend money on a lot of pizzas then you can have a party, and that brings us to reason 3.

3) You want to party. It’s especially great because you can incorporate the first two reasons pizza and girls with partying. But with parties comes the bucks. The music, the location, the beer, the hotties, the bare-knuckle brawls, and the illegal street racing!

4) Travel. Pure and simple, you want to see the world. Paris, Rome, The Alps (of many countries). Of course this gets dangerously close to spending money on something that’s worthwhile, as you can make new friends, learn new languages, and have new experiences, but may be still qualified as blowing your money.

5) Toys. Since I’m a man that writes this, as males we never seem to outgrow toys. They just get a bit more sophisticated. Home theatre systems, gaming computers, game consoles, remote control cars. Gotta love the toys. Even Legos are still fun and you can waste a lot of money playing with Legos as adults.

I could probably think of more, but maybe I’ll leave those for another day, and I don’t want to do too much work. Since “I’ll do it on Monday” is more about getting worse and worse, not better and better.

Until ‘Monday’