7 Ways to Degrade Your Memory

I realize that most people want to improve memory and increase recall. Here at ‘Monday’ we believe the cons outweigh the pros in improving memory. If you can remember stuff better you might be called on to remember dates, and places, and what not. This means responsibility, and here on ‘Monday’ we want to be irresponsible. Guys tend to forget dates their girlfriends want them to remember, however, we don’t really forget, it’s more like we don’t really want to remember. I mean think about it, you have to buy presents on significant days.

We don’t really like spending all that much, so we like to “forget” that we have to take our dates on that Valentine’s dinner. (Not entirely true, maybe it’s the one day we Men might want to remember for certain reasons, but we’re not discussing Valentine’s here.) Remember to pick up these groceries, remember your daughter’s dance recital, etc. If you improve your memory then you have to use it. If not, then you can just say “I forget” and that covers a multitude of sins.

So how can we degrade our memory so we really do forget? You know ignorance is bliss, and forgetfulness sublime, you can’t make the appointment, if you can’t remember the time.

  1. Don’t exercise. Basically exercise gives more oxygen to the brain and enhances brain chemistry. It also protects you from risk of disorders that lead to memory loss. If you want to degrade your memory then become a fat slob!
  2. Don’t sleep too much. Sleep helps our brain processes, it files information away, and it repairs damage to cells. Sleep deprivation however decreases our capacity to think and keeps all that info floating around in there. You may not want to stay awake so much you start hallucinating, but maybe you want to lose some sleep so your memory stays bad.
  3. Drink. A lot. Drinking a lot of Alcoholic beverages is a speedy way to memory loss. Ever go on a drunken binge and wake up the next day without remember what happened last night. A lot of alcohol really impairs the brain. So have fun getting drunk (except from what I hear it’s not that fun as you throw up a lot and feel lousy the next day).
  4. Depress yourself. Okay so any stress increases cortisol levels in the body and brain causing you to get fat, and causing your brain to function less. Prolonged depression inhibits the brains ability to remember anything new. So stress yourself out, depress yourself, think sad thoughts, and soon your memory won’t be doing anyone any good.
  5. De-visualize and disassociate. Basically if you visualize some imagery and associate it with some event it will help you remember it better. So my suggestion is to make sure you don’t actively think about what you have to remember; forcibly forgetting something by not associating anything in memory or visualizing anything about it. Let it go in one ear and out the other.
  6. Don’t pay attention. 8 seconds is long enough to transfer an item from short-term memory to long-term memory. When you pay attention you’re more likely to remember it later. So really don’t pay attention to anything or anybody because then you can tell them “Sorry I must have not been paying attention.” Basically don’t focus on anything and you won’t remember anything
  7. Don’t break up numbers. There’s this thing called chunking, where we remember groups, or chunks, of numbers. You usually do this for a phone number with an area code. It’s easier to remember three short sets of numbers than one long one. Don’t do any chunking you won’t remember it.

This is just 7 tips. There are many more, but I will leave them for another article. So remember, or rather forget, not to pay attention to anything and don’t associate anything with stuff you have to remember. Don’t exercise, or sleep much either.

Until ‘Monday’

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