Getting nothing done.

Here instead of getting things done, we here at ‘Monday’ want to get nothing done and to be lazy. This is our only goal in life. Take what you can, give nothing back. Well at least that’s what Jack Sparrow and Mr. Gibbs says. Here at ‘Monday’ we live by that statement whole-heartedly.

First tip, never read Getting Things Done by David Allen. It’s all about getting organized, getting your tasks and project and stuff out of your head and onto paper. It’s about doing task lists and more. I’ve actually read it, and have to say that if you follow it you WOULD get things done, but since we don’t want to get anything done I’d say step away from that bookshelf!

Try to focus on long periods of time for work, and don’t work in short bursts. Getting tired means not getting things done because you can’t think straight anymore. If it can be performed in less than 2 minutes, do it later, because it’s so short it’s not important enough to do now.

Don’t make things simple. Make them as complex as you can. Try to do everything at once, and have a billion lists for everything. Don’t have an inbox where you put stuff even things you need to write down on paper. Instead have a bunch of boxes of all kinds of stuff. Soon you’ll be pushing paper like a pro and getting so inundated with work that you just aren’t going to get that many things done.

Never put anything in to actionable items. Like that less than 2 minutes rule, these are actionable items. Things you can do in less than two minutes. Don’t let your projects get to the stage of being broken down into enough tasks that you can actually do them. Get nothing done, not getting things done.

Think high tech, and don’t do anything unless you can use a software program to do it. Don’t even do anything unless you can turn on your computer. Keeping to low-tech tools like pencil and paper might actually help you get things done faster because of their simple nature, can be carried anywhere and can work almost immediately. So the higher tech and the more software you have to learn the better.

Hopefully this will help you not get anything done. If you do get anything done go stand in the corner until your work piles up again. Do nothing, be nothing.

Until ‘Monday’

Don’t live up to your potential

What does “Live up to your potential” mean anyway? I think it has something to do with the fact that we all have abilities to do more than we’re doing. For instance being a rock star, writing a best-selling novel, or trying to press 350lbs (admittedly that number was pulled out of my butt). So when they say live up to your potential they mean get off your rump and make it happen. Since we have this incredible brain I guess the impetus is for us to use it as much as we can.

Here at ‘Monday’ we don’t really believe in living up to our potential. Why create expectations. It’s easier just to stay in the rut you’re in. Stay in your comfort zone and don’t do anything to challenge yourself. Challenge is, well… challenging. At ‘Monday’ we try to keep challenge and hard work to a minimum. Don’t set any goals to make you reach higher peaks of being. It’s just a lot of work and when you reach a goal, what’s next, another goal? What is up with that anyways?

They say we use less than 10% of our brain. Is this not living up to our potential? Not really see back a long time ago like biblically long, people lived to 1000 years so think about this, we live to about 100 now (well really 70-80 but that’s just splitting hairs). Guess what, 100 is 10% of 1000. So that tells me one thing. The brain wasn’t meant to learn a lot of new stuff and accomplish a lot. It was meant to hold data, like 1000 years worth of experience.

Live up to your potential sounds like fortune cookie advice. I want a fortune that says you will get gold pieces by the bushel. (Actually I have one that says just that and I laminated it.) (Actually I just put some scotch tape over it, so it’s sort of like laminating.) And by golly I expect my gold pieces by the bushel, not a handful of potential.

Until ‘Monday’

Panhandling, or begging, the ‘Monday’ way to make a living.

Why get a job at all when you could just beg for the money and let people give it to you. It doesn’t matter that it requires you standing alone on a cold street corner holding a home-made sign. It doesn’t matter that you lose all dignity because you choose not to get a real job even a mediocre one. (Keep in mind I’m not talking about those who can’t actually find a job even though they’ve tried, I’m talking about those you see on the street corner every day.)

If you can’t cut it flipping burgers or cashiering, try begging. It’s easy. Just don’t shower for a week make a homemade sign saying will work for food, and stand on a corner with a hat or a bucket or something. Don’t expect the law to be on your side as some beggars use the money for booze and drugs. In some places begging is a criminal act. In the spirit of being lazy and wanting something for nothing I present a few tips for panhandling.

It may be difficult and embarrassing to beg, but in order to get money for it, you need to just suck it up. Some parts of the world begging is seen as a good thing.

Try to look presentable. More people are likely to give to you if you don’t look like you just rolled out of a dumpster. Try to keep up good hygiene if you can.

Make a sign. Put a short but pathetic story on it, like you were just evicted from your house or just lost your job. The worse it sounds the better. You got fired, your wife left you, your dog got ran over, and you got kicked out of your house. Better yet just grab a story from a country song and you’ll have it made.

Find a good location. Make sure it’s either a place that gets a lot of foot traffic, such as sidewalks and public squares, or somewhere cars slow down so you can come right up to their car.

Be courteous, smile, and also directly ask for some money. Don’t try to talk around it thinking they’ll be more likely to give since you’re not asking directly, just ask in a nice, courteous way.

Finally be thankful you at least can make some money.

I understand not all of you who beg are doing so to be lazy. Times are tough, you may have had a bad break and this is all that’s left. If it is then this article isn’t really for you. This is for people who just want it easy like us here at ‘Monday’. Happy Begging.

Until ‘Monday’