I don’t know when I’ll get to it, if ever.
Here at ‘Monday’ we espouse the belief that you can do it later. In that spirit I have decided to write this article later. In fact I haven’t even chose a topic, title, or anything. So we’ll just leave it until then.
To-Do: Write this last article.
Self-Esteem is defined as “an inordinately or exaggeratedly favorable impression of oneself.” I’m pretty sure it’s really just the impression one has of them-selves. If you have low self-esteem, then you don’t have a favorable impression of yourself but if you have high self-esteem then you do have a favorable impression of yourself. Self-esteem is directly related to self-confidence which is how to be confident with your own decisions and self-image which is how you see yourself.
Here are some ways to degrade your self-esteem.
Turn the volume up on your inner critic. You can’t really make people put you down which is one of the things that can kill your self-esteem, however you can listen to your inner critic. The one that’s always telling you you’re no good. That you’re not perfect. That you don’t measure up to other people, or that the opposite sex won’t find you attractive. Your inner critic will find fault with every little thing you do, and you must listen to that, and not silence any negative thoughts if you want to kill your self-esteem.
Have unrealistic expectations of yourself. For instance you should be an Olympic athlete. You should look like those famous statues. You should be a better dancer than everyone, a better kisser, a better driver, and be well, better, than you actually are. You should know twenty different languages, and be rich. You should be well read and well traveled. There are lots of others but you should try expecting all of those from yourself.
Try to view mistakes as the most terrible thing ever. Try to be perfect. Nobody is perfect and so you will never be perfect. But you must think you will be perfect. You have to be otherwise you’re not worth anything. ! Focus on the negative, avoid the positive. Your thoughts should be full of “shoulds” and “musts”. Don’t forgive yourself for anything.
Don’t take any pride in anything you do, and don’t be assertive. What you want and need is not important in the least. Everyone else is better than you therefore everyone else is more important than you. Don’t encourage yourself in anything, because if you do your self-esteem will rise. You should probably compare yourself to everyone else as well. If you see how short you fall of everyone else then you won’t be able to help but have low self-esteem.
So remember you are NOT worth it!
Kicking you while you’re down until ‘Monday’
What is assertiveness? From Wikipedia – “Assertiveness is a particular mode of communication. Dorland’s Medical Dictionary defines assertiveness as: a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person’s rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one’s rights or point of view.”
Okay so to break that down it simply means not to let anyone walk all over you without being pushy about it. While it might be a topic for another day on being pushy and rude to assert yourself this article is about why anyone would need to be assertive and how not to assert yourself. So what happens when you’re properly assertive? You get what you want more or at least give it a better chance of happening. The idea is to let people know what you want and not apologize for it.
Here at ‘Monday’ we don’t really want to do that. We would like to be our sheepish selves, content to follow the flock wherever it goes even if it means in the jaws of a waiting wolf. Not that we want to be eaten (figuratively and literally) but rather we would rather not push it. Remember we’re easy-going to a fault here. If that means not ever getting what we want because we didn’t speak up, then so-be-it. The important thing is we didn’t ruffle any feathers or muss any hair.
Don’t be specific. When you talk assertively you want to be direct or specific in what you want or need. So in order to avoid being assertive you want to be vague and not very clear. Don’t own the conversation, don’t use the personalized ‘I’. ‘I’ statements show assertiveness because you’re telling the other person from your point of view. Don’t ask for feedback because this will clarify things and show them you’re expressing a desire, or feeling, or opinion. Don’t keep eye contact because that makes you more in control. Make sure your voice is soft so they don’t feel like you’re trying to assert your position. These are just a few tips, and there are more but maybe I’ll explore it in a later article.
So remember we don’t want to be assertive, our wants are your wants.