by admin

5 ways to not study

Here at ‘Monday’ we think studying is a waste. You could be shooting hoops with your buddies, or making out with your girl at the drive-in (what few drive-in’s are left here in the US). Studying totally does not fit into our lifestyle. In that vain, I present to you 5 ways not to study.

  1. Don’t attend classes. If you’re not there to hear the lesson then you can’t understand the lesson as well. Being the lazy bums (or tramps if you prefer) we here at ‘Monday’ don’t like to attend anything. Attending classes might mean you’re not being very lazy. However an exception to this is attending classes to sleep through class, and that is acceptable around here.
  2. If you do happen to be in a class and aren’t sleeping, the least you can do is to not take any notes. Since you don’t always remember what was being said, not taking notes is the next best thing to sleeping in class, which is the next best thing to not showing up in class, which is the next best thing to not doing anything.
  3. Procrastinate! Well you won’t get any more description than that from me; you already know how we feel about the subject here at ‘Monday’. Just remember “I’ll do it later” and then later remember the same thing. Put it off, since the pain of actually doing it, is worse than not doing it.
  4. Study in a place with a lot of distractions. Well, I’m not saying you should study, but if you have to make sure there are a lot of distractions. Girls, music, loud noise, buddies, anything that distracts you from actually studying effectively. Eventually you’ll get nothing done and put away that book. In fact let’s have a party, which would pretty much include everything above.
  5. Trying to do many things at once. Try studying while eating breakfast. Or take lots of breaks to go get some water. Or maybe if you don’t like staying in one place for too long, you could read a little bit of your text book then get up and do some cleaning, then go to the kitchen to get something to eat. It takes a while to mentally switch tasks, so if you’re constantly task switching, then studying probably don’t take. When you fail at a test you can then say that you must have not learned anything because you did actually study.

I hope you learned ways to slow down your good study habits, by replacing it with these 5 bad ones.

Until ‘Monday’

by admin

Become more dependent, the lazy persons guide to life.

What is independence? Basically it’s freedom to do what you want. It’s becoming upwardly mobile and doing your own thing. Being independent means being able to take care of yourself should problems arise for which you can’t get help with. Being independent also take a lot of work. For instance learning to drive to be mobile, and doing things to be self-reliant. Working for money so you have the freedom to take care of yourself. Why go through all that hassle when instead you can be more dependent. Wouldn’t you rather have things taken care of for you? Food, Money, Clothing, a home?

Plan your days around someone else. If you’re going to depend on them more, you have to stick to their schedule. Being more dependent on someone else can look like selfishness because you want them to do everything so you don’t have to. It can also be an act of selflessness. If you want them to carry you on things, you have to work around them on their schedule and in their way. It also makes you look good while you’re mooching from them.

Don’t really have any finances. Working for money is a sure sign of independence. You want them to have all of the money worries but you just want to spend the money. So if you don’t have a job then you have to depend on them. If you have a job, they will expect you to pay some on the bills, but if you don’t, they won’t because you can’t. Also if you lack finances you can live with someone else a girlfriend or boyfriend or parent, so then you don’t even have to take care of rent. Having your own car is like having a money-siphon on wheels. You have to pay for gas, insurance, the car itself and forget about it if you get a ticket. You don’t need that kind of pain, so let someone else do the driving.

Let others do things for you, that you should be doing yourself. Chores at home? Tasks at work? In fact why not pretend to be inept. If you’re a guy, you don’t clean because you can’t clean. We’re naturally messy and isn’t that a good enough excuse to leave your room in a mess? If you’re still living at home tell your Mom that you’re going to pick up something quick and non-nutritious so that she will want you to have a decent meal and end up cooking for you.

Some other steps toward independence are things like going out to a restaurant and eating by yourself. It makes you feel more independent because you don’t need anyone to pay for lunch, however, it goes against this article, so I would suggest doing the opposite. Make sure when you go out to eat, you do it on someone else’s dime, like a loved one, or a friend. Living on your own really says you are independent, so always live at home, or on a friends couch or at your girlfriend’s house. Make sure you change it up too. One week living at Grandpa’s, another week at home, another, your girlfriend, your cousins, your other friends. The more people you have in your friends and family circle the better for you.

Hopefully these tips have showed you how to be more dependent. Just remember being dependent and lazy is the ‘Monday’ way so…

…Until ‘Monday’

by admin

Book reading is for chumps or how to fake a decent book report.

So your teacher has assigned you a book report. Maybe it’s a book you get to choose yourself, or maybe it’s one they want you to read specifically. Sometimes we don’t have the time it takes to read the whole book, as that tends to take days or weeks. Sometimes you may have read the book but need to refresh, but don’t want to spend the time to re-read it. What if you don’t like the book, or don’t feel that you should be reading it for school? Maybe you forgot it was assigned two weeks ago so you need to come up with something soon. In any case you need a book report and you need it fast.

Firstly I would suggest looking into whether the book has a movie made from it. Especially classics, like Ivanhoe, or anything from Charles Dickens and Shakespeare. Chances are the movie has everything you need and in no longer than 2-1/2 hours.

Next I would look online for book reviews. Reviews are a bit different from reports as reviews are a bit more opinion-based. Like whether you think the book is good enough for buying. Usually, though, book reviews will contain all the necessary information that you need to include in your report.

I would also suggest you actually checkouts, buy, or borrow the book in question. Then instead of reading it, you should go through any chapter headings, and generally skim the table of contents if it has any. Also if you have the actual book it will be useful when you write down the publishing information, number of pages and so-on. If it’s a non-fiction book it will be easier to read about the subject online somewhere like Wikipedia in which case you can sort of piece together your book report on that.

Finally if you have an older sibling, ask to borrow one of their book reports, and then rewrite it in your own handwriting. That is, assuming the older sibling will let you have one of their old book reports. You could always steal it from them. Just make sure you rewrite it in your own voice so it doesn’t look like you deliberately copied them.

The nice thing about book reports is they’re generally factual. You start with the title and author, and number of pages. You summarize the plot in a few sentences, and then describe the main characters. Finally you flesh out a fuller plot summary. Then usually at the end you put what you thought about the book. (This is where online book reviews really help, as you can even borrow someone else’s opinion).

It sounds like a lot of work, because you’re doing a lot of skimming and copying. Depending on the book it may be less work than actually reading the book. Since reading the book requires a few days to a few weeks or more, whereas faking a book report might take the better part of an afternoon. You make your call and then follow these tips.

Until ‘Monday’