10 Pick up lines that may get you slapped.

Here are some pick up lines that are funny enough they might get you slapped.

1) What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.

2) I know its not Christmas, but Santa’s lap is always ready.

3) Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice.

4) You got something on your chest: my eyes

5) Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.

6) Was your Dad a baker? Because you’ve got a nice set of buns.

7) I hear your body is made up of 75% water, man am I thirsty!

8) My love for you is like diarrhea; I can’t hold it in.

9) You’re so hot you melt the elastic in my underwear.

10) I just ate some skittles. Do you want to taste the rainbow?

Until ‘Monday’

5 Ways to Start Forest Fires

There are many reasons people start forest fires. Maybe yours is that you wanted to get warm? Or maybe you’re mad at the park ranger for stealing all of your pik-a-nik baskets? The Sherriff of Nottingham caught you poaching deer in the King’s Private Reserve? A pox on that sheriff and Prince John! Bring back Richard the Lion Heart or I burn down ye olde forest! Maybe you were lonely and thought angry firemen were better than nothing at all?

Disclaimer: Don’t start fires. You have been disclaimed.

In any case here are five ways to start forest fires:

  1. Let’s see, smoking. Go read my article on starting smoking using nicotine replacement options. This will get you well on your way, and you can conveniently “lose” the cigarette deep in the forest. Before you know it wildlife is threatened, and half the forest is burned down before they even know it was you who set it. No matter if you will end up going to jail when they match the cigarette butt to your particular brand of filtered cigarettes.
  2. Another one might be attributed to not properly putting out your campfire. When wind blows sparks to combustible vegetation that will sometimes cause a forest fire. Place combustible materials like gas close to campfires so you can easily start a forest fire if you need to.
  3. Let’s see. A careless match could start a forest fire. Simply light it and casually fling it into the forest, and boom you got instant forest fire! Sparks from faulty equipment say, a generator?
  4. What about deliberate fire starting. That’s right arson has its place too. Well not in any normal, legal, and ethical society. I’m just saying, if you want to start a fire directly you can just do it. Light a match fling it in the forest. Light a piece of wood, tie it to a cat’s tail and watch it run away screaming through the forest, you’ll have a nice blaze in no time.
  5. Of course you may bring the park rangers down on your head or the police, fire crews, and any number of authoritative figures down on your head. Do you want to face death or a prison sentence? Then starting a fire is for you!

I hope you’ve learned a little about starting forest fires.

Until ‘Monday’

5 Jobs you don’t need to be very smart to perform.

There are plenty of jobs that don’t require many smarts, although some require some basic math. That’s the only bad news, since here at ‘Monday’ we don’t really cotton on to any learning of any kind. As long as you can add, subtract, multiply, and divide then everything should be cool.

  1. Cashier – These only take some basic math skills and rudimentary people skills. You just need to know how to make change and be polite.
  2. Sales – Sales just requires some guts. While you don’t need book smarts to be a salesperson, you may need some sort of intuition. You’re trying to get someone to buy something they may not need or even be interested in. This mostly comes from experience though rather than a lot of knowledge.
  3. Burger Flipper – Working at a fast food chain doesn’t require a lot of brain power. You just need to be fast and able to take orders and direction well. Most teenagers flip-burgers because you make money without a lot of mental power. Although sometimes it can be physical demanding.
  4. Pizza Deliverer – Make some money on tips while driving pizzas to people’s homes. You only need to be able to drive and a valid drivers license. What’s easier than giving pizza to someone and having them hand you money?
  5. Warehouse worker – You only need a little bit of coordination and some strength. Stocking shelves, working forklifts, nothing too mentally challenging. You can even end up making a decent living.

I only chose 5 but there are many more. How many other jobs can you think of that don’t require smarts, or a diploma, or a GED. Leave some comments to that fact.

Until ‘Monday’