Category Archives: Not Healthy / “UN” Fit

How to get fat.

by admin

10 Foods That Make You Fat

Most people are looking for ways to lose weight, and a lot of it. Really we just want the body fat to come off. We want to be trim and toned. We want to look good for the summer. I understand that. I get the fact that people don’t look at you because you’re a fat tub of lard. (Okay I’m not talking to YOU specifically, whoever is reading this, I’m just saying because I’m a fat tub of lard women won’t take a second look at me.) However here at ‘Monday’ we would rather be fat and happy then beautiful and frustrated.

Think about it for a second. You think because you are fat and ugly you would be unhappy. That when you are thin and beautiful/handsome you would be happy because then you would be attractive to the opposite sex. My stance is that you would be more miserable. Firstly you have to keep exercising. This is a total pain in the butt, and the abs, and the biceps, in the triceps, the quads, the deltoids, the traps, etc. Secondly you have to keep watching what you eat and you have to make sure you eat healthy non-fattening foods. This means counting calories, or portion sizes, or fat grams or some such.

Not to mention that then you have to be sociable. You have to work at attaining correspondence with the opposite sex. You have to stay that way. You must keep your appearance up, and so forth. You might have to learn manners. You may have to have money and a vehicle. There are just so many factors to dating, that it’s probably just less stressful to be fat, alone, and happy. To that end I want to present ten foods that will make you fat. Some of these will be healthy, some of these won’t be so healthy, but all of them will make you fat. Remember to gain a pound you have to eat 3500 more calories than you burn. To gain one pound a week that’s 500 more calories than you normally eat. That’s only 1 King Size Snickers a day!

So here are ten foods that will help you get fat:

1. Butter – Butter is essentially fat from milk that has been churned. 1 tablespoon (about an eighth of a stick) contains about 100 calories. That means the more you put on your toast or potatoes the fatter you’ll get.

2. Doughnuts – Doughnuts are essentially rings of dough that has been deep fried. They’re usually topped with a glaze, or cinnamon, or chocolate, or powdered sugar, or millions of things. Sometimes they can be filled with jelly and other things, in which case they’re not really a rings but disc shaped. An average glazed doughnut carries about 200 calories, although depending on what it’s topped with or filled with can be even more than that.

3. Nuts – Are you nuts about nuts? Almonds, cashews, macadamias, hazel nuts (otherwise known as filberts), and what have you contain tons of calories. They’re also very good for you, like they might reduce the risks of some kinds of heart disease and so forth. They also carry the good fats. They tend to clock in at about 150 calories per serving and up!

4. Beef – Like steaks and stuff. While beef is pretty high in protein which is essential for muscle building and fat burning, it also is pretty weighty with calories. The calorie content might make you fat, about 60 calories and up per ounce. (A good 10 oz steak could be 600-800 calories). However, as I just said, protein helps burn fat and builds muscle. But if you don’t do any strength training and you eat way more steak than you burn off in a day, you can still get fat from it!

5. Bread – Oh boy! French bread, which is my favorite. In fact a loaf of my favorite French bread clocks in at about 1300 calories. (If you’re in the US Albertson’s French bread is my weapon of choice). While most whole grain breads are healthier for you, they can also be a source of calories. Usually most store-bought bread clocks in about 100 (give or take 20) per slice. It varies a lot, get the nice wheat bread with hazelnuts in it and that’s pretty hefty.

6. Candy / Chocolate Bars – Admit it, you all like a good snickers, or a Twix. Usually most regular sized candy-bars clock in at around 250 or more calories. A Snickers bar is really good for this, as it also contains peanuts. Peanuts can be pretty hefty in calories too. This leads me to Peanut Butter.

7. Peanut Butter – I have a confession to make here. I don’t like Peanut Butter, and I will never eat it. Those people that swear by PB are eating a lot of calories. Where peanuts are good for you they’re also very fattening and by extension so is PB. Make it into a PB & J sandwich and you’ve got enough calories to rival a hamburger. You’re looking at 100 calories per tablespoon, or more depending on what brand you buy.

8. Potato and Corn Chips (Crisps for you Europeans) – The delicious chip or crisp. About 140+ calories per serving which is usually about an ounce. Considering that a good bag of potato chips contains about 10-12 ounces, you’re looking at 1400 calories for that bag of Doritos.

9. Milk – It does a body good. 150 calories per 8 fluid ounces (or a cup) good. So every time you drink that 16 ounce glass worth of milk, you’re drinking 300 calories. Two glasses? 600 calories. This will get you nice and fat. Of course it also has a ton of protein which combined with strength training can help you build muscle, which zaps fat. But here we’re just concerned with drinking it for fun.

10. Pie – How about an apple pie? Marie Callenders apple pie contains about 3000+ calories per pie, or about 300-400 calories per slice. It’s mostly dough, and sugar, and sugar, and more sugar. So that can definitely make you fat, but it’s oh so good.

So there you have it ten foods that make you fat. Notice these aren’t necessarily the “top ten” because this is a matter of opinion. In fact there are tons more food that makes you fat. In fact anything can make you fat even low calorie and diet foods if you eat enough servings. I think the only foods that won’t make you fat by eating a lot are certain vegetables like celery.

Until ‘Monday’

by admin

The 5k to Couch Sitting Program

We’ve all heard of the Couch to 5k beginner running program. You haven’t? Well it comes as no surprise to us here at ‘Monday’ since we do our best not to exert ourselves, to get out of our comfort zones, or to do any work at all. Couch to 5k is a running program aimed at beginners to go from not running at all to running about 3 miles (or 5 kilometers hence the 5k) in about two months.

Here at ‘Monday’ we feel the need to reverse the trend of getting fat and lazy people to get active and lose weight, so I will present the exact opposite, the 5k-to-Couch sitting program. In about four months you’ll be lounging like a pro. It won’t be easy, though. You have to force yourself to sit more and more. Like a body-builder trying to stress his muscles so they will get bigger, you have to stress your lazy muscles so you get, well, lazier.

Like, the running program, it’s easy to become impatient, and want to go to completely sitting around all the time. While this is a noble endeavor it can lead to restlessness, and the feeling that you should be doing something. So don’t skip-ahead, and if you need to you can even repeat some weeks.

Each session should only take about 20-30 minutes. Soon you’ll be sitting like a pro, and may want to go longer. The first step of course is to get up to 30 minutes of continuous lounging, and then later you can go farther and sit for whole hours watching TV, even when there’s nothing any good on! Before we get to the lounging portion of the workout we need to work back from jogging to walking, to finally walking less and less and sitting more and more.

Each week is 3 workouts. I would recommend a day rest (rest meaning you can go jogging on those days if you wish) in between each workout.

Week 1: Take a 5-minute warm-up walk. Make sure it’s a brisk warm-up. Then jog for 30 minutes or 3 miles.

Week 2: Warm-up walk, then jog for 28 minutes or 2.75 miles

Week 3: Warm-up. Jog 2.5 miles or 25 minutes.

Week 4: This is a little bit different; the first workout is steady jogging, then the second and third break-up with alternating between walking and jogging.

  • Workout 1: Warm-up walk, then jog for 2.25 miles or 22 minutes with no walking.
  • Workout 2: 5 minute warm-up walk, then jog 1 mile, walk .25 miles, jog 1 mile. (Jog 10 minutes, walk 3 minutes, jog another 10 minutes).
  • Workout 3: Warm-up walk, then jog .5 miles, walk .25 miles, jog .75 miles, walk .25 miles, and jog .5 miles. (Jog 5 minutes, walk 3 minutes, jog 8 minutes, walk 3 minutes, and jog 5 minutes.)

Week 5: Make sure you do your 5 minute warm-up walk which should be a bit swift, and then for workout 1 you’ll be jogging non-stop, and finally workout’s 2 and 3 will be broken up just like week 4.

  • Workout 1: 20 minute jog.
  • Workout 2: Jog .75 miles, walk .5 miles, jog .75 miles, or jog 8 minutes, walk 5 minutes, jog for another 8 minutes.
  • Workout 3: Jog .5 miles, walk .25 miles, jog .5 miles, walk .25 miles, and jog .5 miles, or, jog 5, walk 3, jog 5, walk 3, jog 5 minutes.

Week 6: No steady jogging, you’re simply going to do a brisk 5-minute warm-up and then alternate between jogging and walking. For each workout this week is going to be the same, jog .25 miles, walk .125 miles, jog .5 miles, walk .25 miles, jog .25 miles, walk .125 miles, and finally jog .5 miles, or if you’re doing it by minutes it’s, jog 3 minutes, walk 1.5 minutes, jog 5 minutes, walk 2.5 minutes, jog 3 minutes, walk 1.5 minutes, and finally jog 5 minutes.

Week 7: Like week 6 only less jogging. Jog 200 yards, walk 200 yards, jog 400 yards, walk 400 yards, or 1.5, 1.5, 3, 3 minutes respectively.

Week 8: Almost there. After your 5 minute warm-up, simply jog 1.5 minutes and walk 2 minutes, alternating for a total of 20 minutes.

Now this will get you most of the way to walking… Here we take it from walking to sitting.

From week 9 to week 12 you should walk 30 minutes total. Try to start at a brisk walk, and finally slowing it down.

Starting week 13, you will gradually replace walking with sitting.

Week 13: So start by walking 2 minutes and then sitting down on the sidewalk for 1 minute, and keep alternating for about 30 minutes.

Week 14: Walk for 1 minute and sit for 1 minute alternating for 30 minutes.

Week 15: Walk for 1 minute and sit for 2 minutes alternating for 30 minutes.

Week 16: Now sit still for 30 minutes straight.

And there you go going from jogging for 30 minutes straight to sitting for 30 minutes straight. If you want to go beyond this try increasing the time you sit by 5 minutes each week until you’re doing nothing but sitting around.

And there you have the 5k-to-Couch sitting program! Congratulations you now qualify for a job here at “I’ll do it on Monday!”

So until ‘Monday’

by admin

How to get fat off the Glycemic index.

What exactly is the Glycemic Index? In the early 80’s a British-born doctor working in Canada was studying the effects of carbohydrates on blood sugar. Dr. David J.A. Jenkins and his colleagues developed the concept known as the Glycemic Index which is basically a way to measure how fast carbs break down into the blood stream. Carbs that break down quickly and cause more of a blood-sugar spike such as white bread and other processed food have a high GI, and those that take more time to break down such as whole grain breads and less processed foods have a lower GI. While originally it was studied to see which foods were better for people with diabetes, it has been used for weight control. In this article we’re going to explain how to use the GI for another kind of weight control, how to get fat!

GI values interpreted as percentages on a scale are classified in this way – 55 or less is considered a low GI, these foods might include fruit, vegetables, nuts, whole grains, etc; 56 – 69 are considered medium which include whole wheat, brown rice, potatoes, and so forth; A high GI is 70 and above which include white bread, white rice, things like candy bars, and pretty much anything processed. Most people using the GI for weight control actually will start cutting out processed foods, and try to get to more whole foods. Whole foods are essentially foods that are as close to unprocessed or unrefined as possible. There’s also the concept of glycemic load which essentially means it takes into account the amount of carbs you eat. For instance a small piece of candy might have a high GI, but because it is small the response is relatively low. Glycemic load is a bit beyond the scope of this article and won’t be referred to anymore.

Since this is a ’Monday’ article I won’t spend the time to write a GI chart here, you can probably do that by doing an internet search on the Glycemic Index, glycemic load, etc, but it all comes down to this. Start logging the GI of each of the foods you eat for a week. Then try to substitute a higher GI food for a lower one. Also try to increase your consumption of food. Eating a lot can go a long way toward getting you fat. I would recommend you gradually switch to higher GI foods rather than just eating a bunch of candy bars right from the start. If you ate mostly veggies and suddenly exposed yourself to a large steak and baked potato with butter and sour cream, you would start feeling lethargic, likewise if you ate a lot of candy from the start you would have a quick sugar high and then a low crash, and might even feel sick from eating all that candy. So as in everything start slow and build up. Becoming a lard-butt is hard work, but with a little persistence and some apple pie you too can use the Glycemic Index to become fat.

Until ‘Monday’