Category Archives: “UN” Productivity / Time “MIS” Managment

How to be lazy.

by admin

Book reading is for chumps or how to fake a decent book report.

So your teacher has assigned you a book report. Maybe it’s a book you get to choose yourself, or maybe it’s one they want you to read specifically. Sometimes we don’t have the time it takes to read the whole book, as that tends to take days or weeks. Sometimes you may have read the book but need to refresh, but don’t want to spend the time to re-read it. What if you don’t like the book, or don’t feel that you should be reading it for school? Maybe you forgot it was assigned two weeks ago so you need to come up with something soon. In any case you need a book report and you need it fast.

Firstly I would suggest looking into whether the book has a movie made from it. Especially classics, like Ivanhoe, or anything from Charles Dickens and Shakespeare. Chances are the movie has everything you need and in no longer than 2-1/2 hours.

Next I would look online for book reviews. Reviews are a bit different from reports as reviews are a bit more opinion-based. Like whether you think the book is good enough for buying. Usually, though, book reviews will contain all the necessary information that you need to include in your report.

I would also suggest you actually checkouts, buy, or borrow the book in question. Then instead of reading it, you should go through any chapter headings, and generally skim the table of contents if it has any. Also if you have the actual book it will be useful when you write down the publishing information, number of pages and so-on. If it’s a non-fiction book it will be easier to read about the subject online somewhere like Wikipedia in which case you can sort of piece together your book report on that.

Finally if you have an older sibling, ask to borrow one of their book reports, and then rewrite it in your own handwriting. That is, assuming the older sibling will let you have one of their old book reports. You could always steal it from them. Just make sure you rewrite it in your own voice so it doesn’t look like you deliberately copied them.

The nice thing about book reports is they’re generally factual. You start with the title and author, and number of pages. You summarize the plot in a few sentences, and then describe the main characters. Finally you flesh out a fuller plot summary. Then usually at the end you put what you thought about the book. (This is where online book reviews really help, as you can even borrow someone else’s opinion).

It sounds like a lot of work, because you’re doing a lot of skimming and copying. Depending on the book it may be less work than actually reading the book. Since reading the book requires a few days to a few weeks or more, whereas faking a book report might take the better part of an afternoon. You make your call and then follow these tips.

Until ‘Monday’

by admin

How to fail a job interview

Okay so let’s say you’re going out for a job interview. Let’s also say you don’t really want it for one reason or another. Maybe you want to learn how to do an interview, or maybe you found out you don’t like the company. Well with these tips you certainly won’t get the job you’re interviewing for.

Don’t learn anything about the company you’re interviewing for. If they ask you anything you won’t know the answer, they’ll think you’re not really interested enough in the company to want an actual job there.

Don’t review the qualifications. If you don’t know what you’re interviewing for then why should they give you the job, you probably don’t know anything about it.

When they ask for your experience, you need to tell them you have none, whether you do or not. If you have experience they may want you, and you don’t want to get a job here, so why tell them your experience?

When they ask you why they should hire you, tell them because you thought the job was easy and that you didn’t think you would have to do much work. If it’s a female interviewing you tell her you thought it would be a good place to pick up women.

When they ask about your strengths and weaknesses, tell them you have no weaknesses and the only strength you have is that you are awesome.

Don’t practice interviews with friends or family, so you won’t be prepared by what questions anyone asks. When you’re unprepared that’s a good sign that you don’t really want the job anyways otherwise you would be completely prepared.

Don’t be well groomed. Dress rather haphazardly. Don’t comb your hair or brush your teeth; maybe don’t even shower for a day. When they get a whiff of you they’ll be trying to get you out the door as soon as possible.

Chew gum or smoke. Smack that gum real loudly, or blow bubbles till they pop in non-bubble gum. Try to look cool when smoking, because they’ll think you’re a total moron.

Be late to your interview. If you’re late to the interview, chances are you’ll be late to work every day, so if you’re late then they won’t want to hire you.

Be rude, kind of lazy, and use slang whenever possible. You don’t want them to hire you so act appropriately.

Ask about salary and benefits up front, and then even if it’s good, act like it’s not enough.

There are much more things you can do to trip up an interview, but maybe I’ll write another article on it later.

Until ‘Monday’

by admin

Decrease your web traffic while still creating content.

We all know how most websites want more traffic, to be able to make more money with ads and affiliate sales, and what not. But have you ever felt you wanted to decrease traffic? Why would you want to decrease traffic while still creating content? For one thing writing articles are a good way to be unproductive. (Refer back to my article on being unproductive by writing blog posts). Also you may not want to invest as much time in your blog. Chances are if you’re reading our articles, you are trying to waste some time which is a noble effort. Maybe you don’t want to be scrutinized for your writing. Sure you could write stuff offline, in fact just writing stories may be just the ticket, or maybe you don’t need a blog at all. Maybe you have so much traffic it’s actually costing you money. In fact I’ll explore this in a future article on losing your money.

Okay so what are some of the ways we can decrease web traffic?
Don’t create great content. If the content is compelling enough, they will come. So make your articles terrible. Write about stuff you don’t have any knowledge about. Quote others frequently.

Another way is to put up new content infrequently or an unsteady frequency. Put some articles on once a week, some not for a month, and some not for many months. If you frequently have new content people will come to expect it and will thereby always go to your website at those times to get it. You want to keep them guessing so they never want to look at your website.

Don’t participate in other communities. Nothing people like more than you participating in their communities and commenting (tastefully) on their blogs. So if you don’t want people commenting on your site, don’t comment on theirs.

Copy and paste from another website. I don’t advocate stealing content, you should give full credit, and in some cases get permission. However, when search engines detect a lot of copying your search engine ranking will become pretty low.

Key words, either lots and lots of them, or none at all. See people search for certain keywords so you usually want to optimize your articles with keywords that pertain to what people search. However in this case you don’t want people searching for stuff on your website, so don’t put any relevant keywords on your site. If you are going to put in keywords then overload it with the keywords, because search engines may rank them lower.

Finally low quality links and tons of ads. There’s nothing people hate worse than a bunch of no-account links and lily-livered advertisements.

If you follow these tips, then you will hardly get any web traffic to your website even when creating new content.

Until ‘Monday’