Category Archives: Social Disfunction

by admin

Become more dependent, the lazy persons guide to life.

What is independence? Basically it’s freedom to do what you want. It’s becoming upwardly mobile and doing your own thing. Being independent means being able to take care of yourself should problems arise for which you can’t get help with. Being independent also take a lot of work. For instance learning to drive to be mobile, and doing things to be self-reliant. Working for money so you have the freedom to take care of yourself. Why go through all that hassle when instead you can be more dependent. Wouldn’t you rather have things taken care of for you? Food, Money, Clothing, a home?

Plan your days around someone else. If you’re going to depend on them more, you have to stick to their schedule. Being more dependent on someone else can look like selfishness because you want them to do everything so you don’t have to. It can also be an act of selflessness. If you want them to carry you on things, you have to work around them on their schedule and in their way. It also makes you look good while you’re mooching from them.

Don’t really have any finances. Working for money is a sure sign of independence. You want them to have all of the money worries but you just want to spend the money. So if you don’t have a job then you have to depend on them. If you have a job, they will expect you to pay some on the bills, but if you don’t, they won’t because you can’t. Also if you lack finances you can live with someone else a girlfriend or boyfriend or parent, so then you don’t even have to take care of rent. Having your own car is like having a money-siphon on wheels. You have to pay for gas, insurance, the car itself and forget about it if you get a ticket. You don’t need that kind of pain, so let someone else do the driving.

Let others do things for you, that you should be doing yourself. Chores at home? Tasks at work? In fact why not pretend to be inept. If you’re a guy, you don’t clean because you can’t clean. We’re naturally messy and isn’t that a good enough excuse to leave your room in a mess? If you’re still living at home tell your Mom that you’re going to pick up something quick and non-nutritious so that she will want you to have a decent meal and end up cooking for you.

Some other steps toward independence are things like going out to a restaurant and eating by yourself. It makes you feel more independent because you don’t need anyone to pay for lunch, however, it goes against this article, so I would suggest doing the opposite. Make sure when you go out to eat, you do it on someone else’s dime, like a loved one, or a friend. Living on your own really says you are independent, so always live at home, or on a friends couch or at your girlfriend’s house. Make sure you change it up too. One week living at Grandpa’s, another week at home, another, your girlfriend, your cousins, your other friends. The more people you have in your friends and family circle the better for you.

Hopefully these tips have showed you how to be more dependent. Just remember being dependent and lazy is the ‘Monday’ way so…

…Until ‘Monday’

by admin

How to ruin a first date.

So you were set up on a blind date by your friend, and she looks like she went a few rounds with the ugly stick. You don’t want to be rude and just not show up, that’s not good for your reputation. You also don’t want to offend your friend (unless he did this as a prank). So what do you do? You want to be a total gentleman but you want to end the date as quick as possible, so here I present a few tips on how to ruin your first date so she doesn’t even want you to call.

Show up with no plan of action and act like you don’t care. A lot of women like to be chased, so it’s usually up to the man to know what he wants to do for the date, because usually he’s the one asking. Blind dates are a bit harder because chances are some things are already set up by the friends. You can still pretend not to know what to do. A wishy-washy guy will make a woman feel like he didn’t really want to go on the date in the first place or that he has a self-confidence problem.

Don’t show up dressed up. While I would recommend showering because of other people in the vicinity, don’t be particularly worried about grooming. Dress casual, especially if it’s a classy place where normally you would show up a bit dressed up. Wear a hat before the date when you first hear about it. That way by the evening you’ll have that dreaded hat hair.

Be ‘fashionably late’. That is not too late so that she thinks you stood her up, but late enough to let her know that you have better things to do. On a good first date you would probably show up on time and maybe a little earlier, sort of like a good interview. In fact maybe you should read “How to Fail an Interview” to give you a good idea on what to do on a first date.

Don’t compliment her at all. If you do then she feels good about herself and possibly wants to continue to date you. You don’t want to send her mixed signals, although maybe in some cases mixed signals might ruin the first date, but it’s probably better just to not do it at all. Also don’t open doors for her or pull out her chair for her, this is old fashioned chivalry which might get you a second date and you don’t want that.

Don’t have anything to say. First dates are usually to get to know someone, and usually this is done by talking. If you don’t have anything to say then the date will feel like you guys have nothing in common since you’re not conversing about anything. Inversely she may feel that you have too much in common and that you don’t have opposing view points if you don’t say anything. Remember opposites attract, so the more you are similar to her in viewpoints, the less opposite she may feel and would rather not have another date with you.

Go to the movies. Especially guy ones, like action movies with little-to-no romance. If you’re watching the movie chances are you won’t be talking to your date. It’s a rather pleasurable way to spend a date you don’t want to be on, because you don’t even have to look at your date, just enjoy the show.

While I don’t advise making her pay, that would just be rude (unless you’re trying to be rude, in which case read my article about being rude to people). Instead just say you only have enough money for yourself and would she mind going ‘Dutch’. This way you won’t look like a total jerk, you don’t endear your date to you, and you don’t have to pay for the whole date! It’s a win/win scenario, except not to her.

When you walk her to the door, kiss her, and then ask if you can come in. Make her feel as though that’s really all you were on the date for is to get invited in, so she thinks you’re a sleaze. You definitely won’t be getting that second date now!

Don’t call her after the date, perhaps she’ll take the hint if she hasn’t already!

If you follow these tips, you’re sure to ruin your first date.

Until ‘Monday’

by admin

10 Ways to Be Rude To People

Anyone can be nice to someone. Anyone can be helpful and courteous, but not everyone knows how to properly be rude. Why would we want to be rude? Here at ‘Monday’ you know we take the path of least resistance. It’s much easier to be rude than to be nice to someone. Not everyone can do it with skill. So here I will show you some ways you can be properly rude, so that people won’t bother you. You don’t always want people bugging you and sometimes there isn’t a good way to be nice about wanting them to leave you alone.

Here I present how to be rude to people:

  1. Firstly, raise your voice a lot and be very demanding. Some people find this very rude.
  2. Never go along with anyone and always rebel in a decision. Then when they don’t agree with you yell at them for not going your way.
  3. Take everything personally. If someone is ignoring you or makes some comment take it as a personal attack and let them know. Even though they may not be intending to be rude to you, you can certainly be rude to them back!
  4. Name calling is great. Be sure to pick something that you can use to exaggerate, for instance, their weight, or their nose or the fact that they wear glasses.
  5. Yell at them if everything is not perfect, and if it is, then yell about the fact that it’s too perfect. This is also very rude.
  6. Perfect the art of rude hand gestures. A middle finger is a gesticular f-you. In Germany the a ok sign with your thumb and index finger together in a ring, means a-hole — So find out what gestures are rude in other countries so you can gesture rudely to foreigners.
  7. Swearing is considered rude, especially if you do it at other people. Again learn how to swear in other languages so you can insult them in theirs.
  8. Never change your behavior even when you know it hurts someone. Make them cry? All the better, you’re here to be rude not to be a nice guy. An exception to this is maybe to know when you might cross the line and not cross it. There’s a difference between being rude and being mean, and we’re not trying to tell you to be mean.
  9. This one is going to sound counter intuitive but why not learn about social etiquette and manners. If one is going to be rude to people one must know how to be polite. Once you know you shouldn’t put your elbows on the table while holding food, you can put your elbows on the table all the time!
  10. Treat no one with respect. Not women, not your elders, not people in positions of authority. This is ultimate rudeness.

Until ‘Monday’