10 Foods That Make You Fat

Most people are looking for ways to lose weight, and a lot of it. Really we just want the body fat to come off. We want to be trim and toned. We want to look good for the summer. I understand that. I get the fact that people don’t look at you because you’re a fat tub of lard. (Okay I’m not talking to YOU specifically, whoever is reading this, I’m just saying because I’m a fat tub of lard women won’t take a second look at me.) However here at ‘Monday’ we would rather be fat and happy then beautiful and frustrated.

Think about it for a second. You think because you are fat and ugly you would be unhappy. That when you are thin and beautiful/handsome you would be happy because then you would be attractive to the opposite sex. My stance is that you would be more miserable. Firstly you have to keep exercising. This is a total pain in the butt, and the abs, and the biceps, in the triceps, the quads, the deltoids, the traps, etc. Secondly you have to keep watching what you eat and you have to make sure you eat healthy non-fattening foods. This means counting calories, or portion sizes, or fat grams or some such.

Not to mention that then you have to be sociable. You have to work at attaining correspondence with the opposite sex. You have to stay that way. You must keep your appearance up, and so forth. You might have to learn manners. You may have to have money and a vehicle. There are just so many factors to dating, that it’s probably just less stressful to be fat, alone, and happy. To that end I want to present ten foods that will make you fat. Some of these will be healthy, some of these won’t be so healthy, but all of them will make you fat. Remember to gain a pound you have to eat 3500 more calories than you burn. To gain one pound a week that’s 500 more calories than you normally eat. That’s only 1 King Size Snickers a day!

So here are ten foods that will help you get fat:

1. Butter – Butter is essentially fat from milk that has been churned. 1 tablespoon (about an eighth of a stick) contains about 100 calories. That means the more you put on your toast or potatoes the fatter you’ll get.

2. Doughnuts – Doughnuts are essentially rings of dough that has been deep fried. They’re usually topped with a glaze, or cinnamon, or chocolate, or powdered sugar, or millions of things. Sometimes they can be filled with jelly and other things, in which case they’re not really a rings but disc shaped. An average glazed doughnut carries about 200 calories, although depending on what it’s topped with or filled with can be even more than that.

3. Nuts – Are you nuts about nuts? Almonds, cashews, macadamias, hazel nuts (otherwise known as filberts), and what have you contain tons of calories. They’re also very good for you, like they might reduce the risks of some kinds of heart disease and so forth. They also carry the good fats. They tend to clock in at about 150 calories per serving and up!

4. Beef – Like steaks and stuff. While beef is pretty high in protein which is essential for muscle building and fat burning, it also is pretty weighty with calories. The calorie content might make you fat, about 60 calories and up per ounce. (A good 10 oz steak could be 600-800 calories). However, as I just said, protein helps burn fat and builds muscle. But if you don’t do any strength training and you eat way more steak than you burn off in a day, you can still get fat from it!

5. Bread – Oh boy! French bread, which is my favorite. In fact a loaf of my favorite French bread clocks in at about 1300 calories. (If you’re in the US Albertson’s French bread is my weapon of choice). While most whole grain breads are healthier for you, they can also be a source of calories. Usually most store-bought bread clocks in about 100 (give or take 20) per slice. It varies a lot, get the nice wheat bread with hazelnuts in it and that’s pretty hefty.

6. Candy / Chocolate Bars – Admit it, you all like a good snickers, or a Twix. Usually most regular sized candy-bars clock in at around 250 or more calories. A Snickers bar is really good for this, as it also contains peanuts. Peanuts can be pretty hefty in calories too. This leads me to Peanut Butter.

7. Peanut Butter – I have a confession to make here. I don’t like Peanut Butter, and I will never eat it. Those people that swear by PB are eating a lot of calories. Where peanuts are good for you they’re also very fattening and by extension so is PB. Make it into a PB & J sandwich and you’ve got enough calories to rival a hamburger. You’re looking at 100 calories per tablespoon, or more depending on what brand you buy.

8. Potato and Corn Chips (Crisps for you Europeans) – The delicious chip or crisp. About 140+ calories per serving which is usually about an ounce. Considering that a good bag of potato chips contains about 10-12 ounces, you’re looking at 1400 calories for that bag of Doritos.

9. Milk – It does a body good. 150 calories per 8 fluid ounces (or a cup) good. So every time you drink that 16 ounce glass worth of milk, you’re drinking 300 calories. Two glasses? 600 calories. This will get you nice and fat. Of course it also has a ton of protein which combined with strength training can help you build muscle, which zaps fat. But here we’re just concerned with drinking it for fun.

10. Pie – How about an apple pie? Marie Callenders apple pie contains about 3000+ calories per pie, or about 300-400 calories per slice. It’s mostly dough, and sugar, and sugar, and more sugar. So that can definitely make you fat, but it’s oh so good.

So there you have it ten foods that make you fat. Notice these aren’t necessarily the “top ten” because this is a matter of opinion. In fact there are tons more food that makes you fat. In fact anything can make you fat even low calorie and diet foods if you eat enough servings. I think the only foods that won’t make you fat by eating a lot are certain vegetables like celery.

Until ‘Monday’

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