5 Ways to Start Forest Fires

There are many reasons people start forest fires. Maybe yours is that you wanted to get warm? Or maybe you’re mad at the park ranger for stealing all of your pik-a-nik baskets? The Sherriff of Nottingham caught you poaching deer in the King’s Private Reserve? A pox on that sheriff and Prince John! Bring back Richard the Lion Heart or I burn down ye olde forest! Maybe you were lonely and thought angry firemen were better than nothing at all?

Disclaimer: Don’t start fires. You have been disclaimed.

In any case here are five ways to start forest fires:

  1. Let’s see, smoking. Go read my article on starting smoking using nicotine replacement options. This will get you well on your way, and you can conveniently “lose” the cigarette deep in the forest. Before you know it wildlife is threatened, and half the forest is burned down before they even know it was you who set it. No matter if you will end up going to jail when they match the cigarette butt to your particular brand of filtered cigarettes.
  2. Another one might be attributed to not properly putting out your campfire. When wind blows sparks to combustible vegetation that will sometimes cause a forest fire. Place combustible materials like gas close to campfires so you can easily start a forest fire if you need to.
  3. Let’s see. A careless match could start a forest fire. Simply light it and casually fling it into the forest, and boom you got instant forest fire! Sparks from faulty equipment say, a generator?
  4. What about deliberate fire starting. That’s right arson has its place too. Well not in any normal, legal, and ethical society. I’m just saying, if you want to start a fire directly you can just do it. Light a match fling it in the forest. Light a piece of wood, tie it to a cat’s tail and watch it run away screaming through the forest, you’ll have a nice blaze in no time.
  5. Of course you may bring the park rangers down on your head or the police, fire crews, and any number of authoritative figures down on your head. Do you want to face death or a prison sentence? Then starting a fire is for you!

I hope you’ve learned a little about starting forest fires.

Until ‘Monday’

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