How to fail a job interview

Okay so let’s say you’re going out for a job interview. Let’s also say you don’t really want it for one reason or another. Maybe you want to learn how to do an interview, or maybe you found out you don’t like the company. Well with these tips you certainly won’t get the job you’re interviewing for.

Don’t learn anything about the company you’re interviewing for. If they ask you anything you won’t know the answer, they’ll think you’re not really interested enough in the company to want an actual job there.

Don’t review the qualifications. If you don’t know what you’re interviewing for then why should they give you the job, you probably don’t know anything about it.

When they ask for your experience, you need to tell them you have none, whether you do or not. If you have experience they may want you, and you don’t want to get a job here, so why tell them your experience?

When they ask you why they should hire you, tell them because you thought the job was easy and that you didn’t think you would have to do much work. If it’s a female interviewing you tell her you thought it would be a good place to pick up women.

When they ask about your strengths and weaknesses, tell them you have no weaknesses and the only strength you have is that you are awesome.

Don’t practice interviews with friends or family, so you won’t be prepared by what questions anyone asks. When you’re unprepared that’s a good sign that you don’t really want the job anyways otherwise you would be completely prepared.

Don’t be well groomed. Dress rather haphazardly. Don’t comb your hair or brush your teeth; maybe don’t even shower for a day. When they get a whiff of you they’ll be trying to get you out the door as soon as possible.

Chew gum or smoke. Smack that gum real loudly, or blow bubbles till they pop in non-bubble gum. Try to look cool when smoking, because they’ll think you’re a total moron.

Be late to your interview. If you’re late to the interview, chances are you’ll be late to work every day, so if you’re late then they won’t want to hire you.

Be rude, kind of lazy, and use slang whenever possible. You don’t want them to hire you so act appropriately.

Ask about salary and benefits up front, and then even if it’s good, act like it’s not enough.

There are much more things you can do to trip up an interview, but maybe I’ll write another article on it later.

Until ‘Monday’

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