How to ruin a first date.

So you were set up on a blind date by your friend, and she looks like she went a few rounds with the ugly stick. You don’t want to be rude and just not show up, that’s not good for your reputation. You also don’t want to offend your friend (unless he did this as a prank). So what do you do? You want to be a total gentleman but you want to end the date as quick as possible, so here I present a few tips on how to ruin your first date so she doesn’t even want you to call.

Show up with no plan of action and act like you don’t care. A lot of women like to be chased, so it’s usually up to the man to know what he wants to do for the date, because usually he’s the one asking. Blind dates are a bit harder because chances are some things are already set up by the friends. You can still pretend not to know what to do. A wishy-washy guy will make a woman feel like he didn’t really want to go on the date in the first place or that he has a self-confidence problem.

Don’t show up dressed up. While I would recommend showering because of other people in the vicinity, don’t be particularly worried about grooming. Dress casual, especially if it’s a classy place where normally you would show up a bit dressed up. Wear a hat before the date when you first hear about it. That way by the evening you’ll have that dreaded hat hair.

Be ‘fashionably late’. That is not too late so that she thinks you stood her up, but late enough to let her know that you have better things to do. On a good first date you would probably show up on time and maybe a little earlier, sort of like a good interview. In fact maybe you should read “How to Fail an Interview” to give you a good idea on what to do on a first date.

Don’t compliment her at all. If you do then she feels good about herself and possibly wants to continue to date you. You don’t want to send her mixed signals, although maybe in some cases mixed signals might ruin the first date, but it’s probably better just to not do it at all. Also don’t open doors for her or pull out her chair for her, this is old fashioned chivalry which might get you a second date and you don’t want that.

Don’t have anything to say. First dates are usually to get to know someone, and usually this is done by talking. If you don’t have anything to say then the date will feel like you guys have nothing in common since you’re not conversing about anything. Inversely she may feel that you have too much in common and that you don’t have opposing view points if you don’t say anything. Remember opposites attract, so the more you are similar to her in viewpoints, the less opposite she may feel and would rather not have another date with you.

Go to the movies. Especially guy ones, like action movies with little-to-no romance. If you’re watching the movie chances are you won’t be talking to your date. It’s a rather pleasurable way to spend a date you don’t want to be on, because you don’t even have to look at your date, just enjoy the show.

While I don’t advise making her pay, that would just be rude (unless you’re trying to be rude, in which case read my article about being rude to people). Instead just say you only have enough money for yourself and would she mind going ‘Dutch’. This way you won’t look like a total jerk, you don’t endear your date to you, and you don’t have to pay for the whole date! It’s a win/win scenario, except not to her.

When you walk her to the door, kiss her, and then ask if you can come in. Make her feel as though that’s really all you were on the date for is to get invited in, so she thinks you’re a sleaze. You definitely won’t be getting that second date now!

Don’t call her after the date, perhaps she’ll take the hint if she hasn’t already!

If you follow these tips, you’re sure to ruin your first date.

Until ‘Monday’

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