Panhandling, or begging, the ‘Monday’ way to make a living.

Why get a job at all when you could just beg for the money and let people give it to you. It doesn’t matter that it requires you standing alone on a cold street corner holding a home-made sign. It doesn’t matter that you lose all dignity because you choose not to get a real job even a mediocre one. (Keep in mind I’m not talking about those who can’t actually find a job even though they’ve tried, I’m talking about those you see on the street corner every day.)

If you can’t cut it flipping burgers or cashiering, try begging. It’s easy. Just don’t shower for a week make a homemade sign saying will work for food, and stand on a corner with a hat or a bucket or something. Don’t expect the law to be on your side as some beggars use the money for booze and drugs. In some places begging is a criminal act. In the spirit of being lazy and wanting something for nothing I present a few tips for panhandling.

It may be difficult and embarrassing to beg, but in order to get money for it, you need to just suck it up. Some parts of the world begging is seen as a good thing.

Try to look presentable. More people are likely to give to you if you don’t look like you just rolled out of a dumpster. Try to keep up good hygiene if you can.

Make a sign. Put a short but pathetic story on it, like you were just evicted from your house or just lost your job. The worse it sounds the better. You got fired, your wife left you, your dog got ran over, and you got kicked out of your house. Better yet just grab a story from a country song and you’ll have it made.

Find a good location. Make sure it’s either a place that gets a lot of foot traffic, such as sidewalks and public squares, or somewhere cars slow down so you can come right up to their car.

Be courteous, smile, and also directly ask for some money. Don’t try to talk around it thinking they’ll be more likely to give since you’re not asking directly, just ask in a nice, courteous way.

Finally be thankful you at least can make some money.

I understand not all of you who beg are doing so to be lazy. Times are tough, you may have had a bad break and this is all that’s left. If it is then this article isn’t really for you. This is for people who just want it easy like us here at ‘Monday’. Happy Begging.

Until ‘Monday’

Leave a Reply